5 Best Ways to Make Suffering Your Greatest Ally During Tough Times in 2025
Tough times and suffering are only concepts of the mind, but we will see how we can use the mind in ways that make those circumstances an opportunity and a gift for you.
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***Full disclosure: If you're looking for five quick tricks to "hack" your tough times and gain something from the pain without truly working on yourself or changing your mindset around suffering, don’t bother spending the next 10 minutes reading this post, because it’s not for you. Nothing against you! In fact, I want to save you time and energy, so just jump to the part that seems interesting to you.***
Last week, I was talking with a group of friends, and one of them said something like this:
"Can you imagine how nice it would be if everyone were healthy, beautiful, in shape, lovable, and happy? Like, we could just wake up, do what we love, and enjoy life without any concerns..."
Hmm, let me think about that.
Even though I believe love and freedom are our natural states of being, I also believe that challenges, hardships, and heartbreaks are part of our growth as humans.
Now, before you say:
"Are you mad? What’s wrong with you? Do you actually want pain? You want to suffer?"
Well… let me think about that for a second.
It is not that I chase or necessarily want the pain because we can learn so much from miracles, love and joy, but it is that pain is part of our human experience and I want to have the things necessary for my growth. I think that what we call suffering is just a product of the mind and that the pain that we feel will always be part of nature, so to deny or resist it is like saying: “ I don’t want to play the game of life”. So I guess that I want what I need to wake me up where I need to be woken up (and this might or might not come in the form of pain)
Why lean in the pain?
Not because it’s fun.
Not because I’m a masochist who loves to suffer.
Not because I don’t want peace.
In fact, it's because I want peace.
As Peter Crone said in his mastermind and I will paraphrase it, “Real peace comes when you can be at ease with everything, the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the easy and the hard, this is real love.”
Personally, I have learned, grown, and evolved the most during my toughest times, when I was sick, broken, unloved, rejected, or when I failed. My darkest nights of the soul were catalysts for transformation, pushing me to grow and understand myself like never before.
So what’s wrong with hard times?
The meanings we attach to them.
The stories we tell ourselves about what happens.
"What happens, happens, and it couldn’t have happened any other way—because it didn’t."
—Peter Crone, The Mind Architect
Before we get into how to win the inner game of suffering, let’s first understand:
The difference between suffering and pain
Why humans experience suffering
The traps you can fall into during tough times
What it means to "jump in the river of pain"
A little warning before diving headfirst into suffering (because it’s not easy—but if you're here, it means you're ready to change and create a more inspiring, loving, and successful life, no matter what it takes)
Suffering vs. Pain
Can you understand the nuance?
Life is life. Whether you like it or not, at some point, it will throw challenges your way that you wouldn’t even wish on your worst enemy. That’s pain.
Pain is inevitable. If you're alive, you will experience it.
But suffering? That’s optional.
Suffering is created by the meaning we attach to our pain and the stories we tell ourselves about it.
Example: The Investor Who Lost Everything
Let’s say you’re a high-end investor, and one day, the stock market crashes. You lose a huge amount of money, putting your financial security at risk.
Fact: You lost a lot of money. That’s painful.
Emotions: You feel fear, anxiety, frustration, and a sense of loss. That’s natural.
Suffering: Instead of simply acknowledging what happened, you start telling yourself a painful story:
"What’s wrong with me? Why does this always happen to me? I won’t be able to provide for my family! I should never have invested! My high school math teacher was right, I’m a failure! My kids won’t love me! My life is over!"
Now, what happens?
You come home, chug a beer, binge-watch Netflix, and isolate yourself, tired, defeated, and drowning in self-imposed suffering.
Suffering is as real as the stories you tell yourself. And those stories are usually based on a future you created in your mind—a future that isn’t even real.
What stories have you been telling yourself lately?
The Surprising Science Behind Why We Suffer
From an evolutionary perspective, suffering is wired into our DNA.
Throughout history, humans faced real survival threats, famines, predators, extreme weather, social rejection, and physical pain. According to psychologist Mike Brooks, Ph.D., suffering was a survival mechanism¹:
"Our suffering motivates us to change our behavior in ways that enhance our chances of survival. Our brains' default mode network, in an effort to protect us, ironically causes us harm through disturbing ruminations about the past and worrisome thoughts about the future."
Our ancestors needed this negativity bias to stay alive. If they didn’t recognize real danger, like the fact that they weren’t strong enough to fight a lion without weapons, they were in serious trouble.
But in today's world? In general,
We don’t have to hunt for food.
We don’t face extreme weather without shelter.
We aren’t running from predators.
Instead, we stress over Instagram likes, job promotions, or how we performed in a game. We’ve traded real survival threats for modern anxiety traps.
And yet, we are less resilient than our ancestors.
As Yuval Noah Harari wrote in his book, Sapiens:
“We moderns have an arsenal of tranquilizers and painkillers at our disposal, but our expectations of ease and pleasure—and our intolerance of inconvenience and discomfort—have increased so much that we may well suffer from pain more than our ancestors ever did.”
We constantly seek pleasure and avoid pain.
Waiting in line? We grab our phones.
Feeling lonely? We scroll through social media.
Stressed? We escape with entertainment.
We are more about instant gratification than resilience, and it’s weakening us.
This is why, if you're not mindful of your inner game, life will keep throwing challenges your way, not to punish you, but to show you where you are not free.
Especially if you’re a high-level competitor, athlete entrepreneur, or someone striving for greatness, suffering will show you:
Where your fears lie
What triggers anxiety in you
What areas of your mindset need growth
Yes, the modern world has stressors. But these are also opportunities, opportunities to forge an unshakable mindset and evolve at an accelerated rate.
Don't Make These Mistakes When Facing Challenges
There are many ways people deal with challenges.
In fact, even if you think that by avoiding pain, you're not dealing with it, the reality is that avoidance is a way of dealing with the challenge—just not the best way. Is it effective? I doubt it… But here is a list of common coping mechanisms people use in difficult situations.
I’ve used quite a few of these myself, and I can assure you, they didn’t make the pain go away, nor did they help me grow or learn the lessons I needed.
1. Avoiding, Denying, or Changing Reality to Avoid Pain
Playing the "blind game" is a big one. This is a form of resistance to what is. You might think that by resisting pain, you can lessen its impact, but in reality, resistance often increases suffering. If you fall into this trap, you likely struggle with pain, and your mindset around it may be causing you even more suffering.
According to this study², brain-imaging research has shown that a negative pain mindset, ruminating on how awful pain is and expecting it to worsen, actually amplifies pain processing in the brain.
Additionally, when you avoid pain, you miss out on valuable lessons and insights that could help you grow as a mindful human being and achiever.
I recently read a story about a young woman named Celina Murillo on the blog Tiny Buddha³. She shared how she had spent years running away from her problems instead of facing them:
"Here’s the thing: Those wounds never healed. I just ran away from my issues at every chance possible. I didn’t do any work on myself after the bullying incidents; I just ran away and tried to forget. You can’t run away from your own insecurities and self-doubt."
She did the inner work, had the vulnerability to tell her story, and is now inspiring countless people.
2. Trying to Fix It with Hacks or Quick Tricks
Your lover leaves you? Alright, then, just download Tinder and sleep with 25 different people in four nights so you don’t have to deal with your insecurity and feelings of inadequacy.
You lose your job? Instead of processing your fear of failure, you instantly apply for the first one you see, without considering what you truly want.
You’re in a slump, dealing with injuries, having a rough sports season? Maybe it’s easier to quit the sport entirely than to confront your fear of not being enough.
This kind of "quick fix" mentality only masks the pain temporarily. The real issue remains, waiting to resurface.
3. Overcorrecting to the Extreme
Let’s say you get sick, and it ruins two or three months of training, work, or creative output. You take a step back and reflect, realizing that poor habits, stress, overworking, lack of sleep, poor nutrition, make you more vulnerable to illness.
Congratulations! You’ve taken a valuable step in self-awareness and self-improvement.
But… (oh boy, this one was a big one for me!)
To make sure it NEVER happens again, you go to the extreme:
Two bags of green powder a day
One pound of garlic
Eight multivitamins
A strict 10 PM bedtime every night
Counting every calorie and vitamin
Training 18 times a week
Spending exactly six hours outside daily
Meditating during every single activity
Sounds exhausting, right? (It was exaggerated to an extent just to amplify what I am saying, but I and others can surely recognize ourselves in those extremes)The problem here is that instead of developing a sustainable, balanced approach to improvement, you create a rigid and unrealistic system that might be just as harmful in the long run.
Can You See Your Own Patterns?
Warning:
Changing your mindset is hard.
Shifting your perspective is hard.
Going into your pain, looking honestly at your challenges, and facing your fears is a massive challenge.
It won’t be a walk in the park.
But it is worth it.
You’ll see it for yourself.
5 Best Ways to Make Suffering Your Greatest Ally During Tough Times
1. The Healing Power of Acceptance: Embracing Life’s Challenges
Wait, what? I need to accept and surrender? This is your magical way to transform suffering? What about fighting? What about persistence? How can I change my situation?
First, you need to accept where you are and what is happening before you can move forward and create real change. Why? Because there’s only so much you can fight and resist. Sure, fighting without acceptance might give you some results, but as Peter Crone says:
"Life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you are not free."
Sometimes, Letting go > Fighting?
What can I learn > How can I solve this ?
Where am I not free > Why the f**k is this happening to me?
Acceptance isn’t about not caring, it’s about caring about the right things. It’s about building trust in life and in a deeper part of yourself. Yes, you can fight, but I promise you (and I’ve lived it, thinking I was the biggest fighter in history, at least in my head), that life will keep hitting you harder and harder until you finally learn the lesson. You’ll keep missing the wisdom you need to move forward and become the person you’re meant to be. so as I say this to myself and you :
STOP THINKING YOU KNOW IT ALL. STOP THINKING YOU KNOW BETTER THAN LIFE ABOUT WHAT YOU NEED, WHO YOU NEED TO BE, AND HOW YOU MUST GET THERE.
Because the truth is that you don’t know, that I don't know, that no one really knows.
So trust. Let go. Keep moving forward.
2. Adopting a Growth Mindset: Finding Purpose in the Journey
When facing tough times, it’s easy to fall into a victim mindset and see challenges as the end of the road. But with a growth mindset, you realize that nothing is ever the end; it’s all part of a process.
According to Carol Dweck, a pioneering researcher in the field of motivation, a growth mindset is when⁴:
"Individuals believe their talents can be developed through hard work, good strategies, and input from others. They tend to achieve more than those with a fixed mindset (who believe their abilities are innate). This is because they worry less about looking smart and put more energy into learning."
This means success isn’t about where you are now, it’s about trusting the process and believing you can make it, no matter your current situation or natural talents.
There’s even science behind rewiring your brain to find pleasure in the struggle itself. Where you place your rewards is key to sustaining motivation. As Dr. Andrew Huberman puts it⁵:
"Be very careful with extrinsic rewards. Make sure that your dopamine system is attached more to the effort process than it ever is to any external reward."
This means that no matter where you are, you are exactly where you need to be. Keep placing your focus not on the end goal, but on the daily actions that lead to growth.
Your boyfriend left you? Great. Focus on what you can learn from the relationship and how to create a deeper, more meaningful connection next time.
You broke your leg mid-season? Great. Train your upper body, practice visualization, and strengthen your mental game.
Every setback is a setup for a stronger, wiser, and more resilient you.
3. The Role of Perception: How Your Mindset Shapes Your Experience of Pain
"Change your mindset, change your life."
— Garrain Jones
Being able to change your perspective is a superpower.
When you master this, nothing is inherently good or bad, it just is and you have the opportunity to assign the meaning that you want to everything that happens, but you have accepted one truth…
The #1 Truth You Must Accept:
LIFE DOESN’T HAPPEN TO YOU, IT HAPPENS FOR YOU.
So ask yourself:
How can I shift my mindset around this challenge?
Is there another way to see what I’m going through?
What if this painful moment is actually the greatest gift in disguise?
How can I flip this situation into an opportunity for growth?
What can I learn? What can I gain?
This isn’t toxic positivity, it’s mental resilience, it is perspective. The ability to reframe your struggles is one of the most valuable skills you can develop.
4. Mastering the Art of Critical Thinking: The Power of Asking Better Questions
Questions, questions, questions…
As Tony Robbins says in his book, Awaken the Giant Within:
"The quality of your life is directly related to the quality of questions you ask yourself."
I don’t know what questions you ask yourself in tough moments, but generally, there are two types of questions:
Type 1: Disempowering Questions
Why did this happen to me?
What’s wrong with me?
Why is life so unfair?
What’s her problem?
Am I a good person?
Sound familiar? These questions keep you stuck. They put you in a victim mindset where you wait for life to change instead of taking control.
Type 2: Empowering Questions
What can I learn from this?
How can I grow from this challenge?
What part of this is within my control?
How can I use this experience to help others?
What’s the opportunity hidden within this struggle?
When you shift your questions, you shift your focus, and where focus goes, energy flows.
5. The Power of Consistency: Just Keep Moving in the Right Direction
Maybe you feel lost. Maybe, with your normal human instincts, you think you’re heading in the wrong direction. But in reality, you don’t know.
If you keep doing your best, keep asking good questions, keep looking for solutions, keep accepting what is, keep freeing yourself from a victim mindset, and keep moving forward, I guarantee that life will present opportunities, solutions, signs, and paths for you.
It might not unfold exactly the way you envisioned, but if you just focus on putting one foot in front of the other, when you least expect it, the dark night will no longer be dark. The sun will shine bright like a diamond at some points because of the laws of rhythm and polarity
6. Don’t Stop Saying Thank You
Gratitude is easy when everything is going your way, right?
But what about when you’re facing tough situations?
I believe there is real power in being able to say “thank you” for your struggles. From our limited, self-centered perspective, we often label challenges as "bad." But what if they were actually gifts?
The truth is, you don’t know. This “hard” moment could be your biggest blessing in disguise. And even if it’s not, difficult times will make you stronger, more resilient, and more patient. One day, you might even be grateful for these hardships.
But in the meantime, be grateful for what you do have, even the small things.
You’re sick, unable to compete in your sport? You still have a home and loved ones around you. Be grateful for them.
Your boyfriend left you and your heart is shattered? You still have a dog that cuddles you, and great friends who will answer your call at 2 AM. Be grateful. Say THANK YOU.
it can go on and on, you always have the opportunity to say thank you
Gratitude is a superpower too.
In fact, there’s real science behind it. According to Kevin Kruse, CEO of LEADx and author of Great Leaders Have No Rules⁶:
"Practicing gratitude allows our brains to release serotonin and dopamine—two 'feel-good' chemicals that positively impact mood, willpower, and motivation. But what’s not as well known is that regularly engaging in a gratitude practice strengthens these neural pathways. Over time, practicing gratitude will ‘train’ your brain to focus on what’s going well versus what isn’t. And that leads to all sorts of positive outcomes—mentally and physically. One study of nurses found that gratitude consistently predicted less exhaustion, fewer sick days, and higher job satisfaction."
Gratitude rewires your brain for resilience. So keep saying thank you, even when life feels unfair.
7. Breaking Free from Overthinking: Embracing the Power of the Present
I know I just told you to ask yourself better questions and shift your mindset, but at the core of everything, the single most important thing is this:
Be present.
Being present doesn’t mean you stop asking questions or taking action. It means you stay aware. You stay open to answers. You have the clarity of mind to observe where you are and where you’re going. It’s the ability to sit still in the storm and not let your thoughts control you.
When I say “stop thinking”, I mean stop overthinking, stop obsessing over worst-case scenarios, future concerns, or things that don’t serve you.
There’s nothing wrong with thinking and analyzing. But next time you catch yourself spiraling, ask yourself:
What space am I in?
The space you’re in will make all the difference.
Are you thinking from a place of lack, fear, and insecurity, believing that if you don’t figure it out, you won’t be enough?
Or are you thinking from a place of acceptance and empowerment, wanting to create a compelling and inspiring future for yourself?
The present moment holds everything you need, clarity, peace, and power. Don't miss it by living in your head.
So, dear you, life will not always be “easy” (and even that is a mental concept that we could talk about), but life will always give you opportunities. Behind everything lies a possibility to choose differently, to make a better choice, a choice of alignment and love instead of fear and guilt. It is in your hand, or I should say it is in your mind ;) .I hope you feel equipped to navigate life’s toughest moments. I also wrote a small free book on the subject of “hard” times on my website Because even if we can’t always see it clearly, our hardest times can be our biggest blessings.
with love,
Mikaël,
2 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4399775/
3https://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-pain-wont-go-away-until-we-learn-the-lesson/
4https://hbr.org/2016/01/what-having-a-growth-mindset-actually-means
5https://www.edmylett.com/podcast/dr-andrew-huberman-unleash-your-brain-power-and-growth-mindset