WHAT THE F.CK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH FEAR ? (and also dealing with pression)

A new perspective on fear ( A.K.A mine ) :

Fear… so reel that we believe it is true, but there is nothing real in fear, fear is ‘’nothing’’. As the Course in Miracles explains, fear is like darkness and love is like light, there is no such thing as darkness, there is just the lack of light. It is the same thing with fear, there is no such thing as fear, but there can be a lack of love. Also, it is important to understand that fear is created by the mind based on past experience or on conditioning. Have you ever wondered why people are afraid to fail while others don’t give a f..k ? Maybe the one(person A) who is afraid of failing is not afraid at all of being rejected by girls, while the one not afraid of failing(person B) is so scared to be rejected by girls… Past conditioning or past experience. It is probable that person A is afraid to fail because when he was young his parents kept telling his older brother that if he failed his exams he wouldn’t have anything in life and they were mean to him so in the head of this child, he conditions himself to never fail by fear of not having the love of his parents. Another example, it can be probable that person B tried, a couple of years ago, to go talk to a girl and then he got rejected and ridiculous in front of all his friends so he developed this fear to protect him from an inner feeling of feeling rejected, not loved, not accepted.

The thing we have to realize also with fear is that 95% of the time, we are not afraid of what we think we are afraid of. It is the same principle of the statement that we don’t really want what we want but the inner experience behind the thing we want like having the money to feel free and abundant. So is it the fear of talking to a girl or the fear of how you might feel if you get rejected? Is it the failing of the exam or the inner experience when your parents will see the grade you have on your exam?

What about pressure like the pressure to perform for an athlete? For me, the way I see it, there is no such thing as pressure. Pression just means that something is pressing against your own limits, fears, beliefs and contexts. Yes, pressure exists in the external, but the effect of pressure on you has nothing to do with the internal, but the meaning you attach to what the pressure is drawn to. For example: You are a pro athlete and there is pressure to perform on you from the team, the population, your coaches, etc. Yes, this pressure is ‘’real’’ but the effect it has on you is not. Who cares about the pressure to perform if you know for a fact that you are enough, you are ready and that you will perform? But like we press an orange to get the juice to get out, pressure puts pressure on your own beliefs, context and limitations and this is what makes you feel like you feel under pressure. Where does this ‘’live’’? In the past! This is why the greatest of all time also have the greatest minds. There is a lot of context that comes into play, but presence, an inner knowing of who you are and the ability to pass beyond the fear are key factors to play under pressure.

Now that we have debriefed all of this understanding, it creates distance between you and the fear. This understanding creates the perspective to see that in fact, fear is nothing wrong, fear is a pointer to our own deep inadequacy, insecurity and scarcity and again, if you have followed me, you understand that it can’t be true because it is you that created this to protect yourself, funny right?

But, it can turn quickly into bypassing if we just say to ourselves when we are having fear: It is nothing, it is nothing, it is nothing…

I said it is a pointer, so while you have this awareness, can you take care of the part in you that is afraid? YOU are not afraid, but there is a part of you frozen in time that is afraid of losing the love of Mom if you don’t succeed at the exam or is afraid of being laughed at if a girl says no to you. ***If you are in real danger, like you fear that your dad will hit you if you fail your exam, it is the time to do what you gotta do to protect yourself. There is a difference between False Evidence Appearing Real and a real danger to yourself, so do what you gotta do in this situation *** But, if you are not in ‘’real’’ danger, can you be with and take care of the child inside of you that still believes is under threat? For a child, not having a mom’s love or getting rejected means danger because a child cannot live without the love of a caregiver and a child cannot survive in the wild if he gets abandoned by the tribe. But now that the ‘’tiger’’ (A.K.A danger) is not there, there is no purpose in staying with this fear and letting this fear run the show as if we were in danger, it is time to reclaim your power and step into your loving power

So, now that you have created awareness around fear, what do you do with it?

*** Before anything else, you want to ask yourself: Am I in real danger? If yes, forget about any step and do what you gotta do to survive and protect yourself and your close one. If the ‘’danger’’ is a false evidence appearing real, you get to… ***

-1st step: Awareness + Acknowledgement: Witness the fear and just acknowledge it without labeling it as good or bad.

-2nd step: Allowing + gratitude + no thanks: Allow the fear to be there, thank it for what it serves and If you feel it does not serve, you can say no thanks my friends :)

-3rd step : (if you don’t have the time and space to do a deeper process) Be a good loving parent: If the part of you that is afraid is your kid and you are the loving parent, how would you act?

-3rd step : (if you are in a place where you can process it) :

3.1 Feel: Don’t think or jump into the story, feel it (body sensation without meaning)

3.2 Inquire: Be curious with the part

-4th step :(if you don’t have the time and place to do a deeper process) Choose differently: Every second that you are aware of your mind, you can choose differently. You have the power to choose love over fear.

-5th step: Act with alignment and connection :

What I mean by alignment and connection is from a space of love and creation, not from a space of fear and reaction.

AND THEN ACT, TRUST AND LET GO OF ANY CONCERN WITH THE RESULT KNOWING THAT EVERYTHING WILL UNFOLD FOR YOU.

I go into the depth of it with my client, but this is just a quick overview of how you can process and be with fear without it limiting your potential and who you are :)

I hope it helps,

With love,

Mikaël Lavallée-Gravel,